


Just Peachy

by sableAisling



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Dirk loves butts, M/M, One Shot, Possessive Behavior, slight jealousy, super market boyfriends
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-30
Updated: 2013-09-30
Packaged: 2017-12-28 00:57:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,003
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/985748
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sableAisling/pseuds/sableAisling
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dad just wants to do his tri-weekly grocery shopping.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Just Peachy

**Author's Note:**

  * For [monoscribbles](https://archiveofourown.org/users/monoscribbles/gifts).



Why did he have to go to the fucking grocery store so often? It’s not like he needed to make so many gross pastries a week or cook every meal, there was such a thing as ordering out but no, he insisted on going out every other day to get ‘fresh produce’. Like there was any fucking difference between fresh produce and the frozen shit. Perhaps it had occurred to you once or twice (actually every time he went out) that maybe he wasn't actually shopping, maybe he was just wetting his dick, and that’s what led you to accompanying him on his trip. You could never be too careful, especially with a man with an ass that fine, never too careful.  
There you stood, outside the motion activated doors of the supermarket (honestly, are people so incapable that they couldn't even open a door?), waiting for your DILF to get one of those dingy carts that always has a fucked up wheel that makes it have an annoying tendency to turn right. He doesn't have much to say, just gets the buggy and walks in, trusting you to follow.  
You, of course, make sure to trail a few feet behind to keep an eye on that work of art he calls a rump because damn, that ain't something you obtain, that’s a talent you’re born with. The man walks like he knows what he’s doing, walking all the way to the left where the frozen shit is, and stops a few isles short – of course, he don’t buy anything that’ll last longer than a week. As you continue down the batter isle, some broad decides to check out his, no, your butt and you glare daggers at her through your heavily tinted shades. Of course she wouldn't fucking see you glaring but that’s the beauty of it, she looks for a few more seconds before feeling eyes on her and hurries away (hah, fuck you, bitch). And, of course, while you were busy defending your turf, the little slut had bent over to pick up cinnamon or something equally as useless. Wow, those slacks are really tight where it matters but shit if it didn't bother the hell out of you that some brain-dead dick could just casually gaze at that plush. You sidle up beside him and comment on how fitted his pants are, to which he scoffed and assured you they were ‘fit to form perfectly and that he would certainly not wear something baggier as he did not want to look like an unkempt hoodlum’.  
“What a tight ass,” you mutter (and don’t you know it), he sighs and you chuckle to yourself.  
Eventually all the sweet shit is in the cart and you have collected all the dairy products that one could possibly need, your smacking his ass didn't make it go any faster, but you were rewarded with a very startled Egbert, a stern glare, and a, “For peat’s sake, not here.”  
The produce isle felt like Antarctica and honestly why do dead plants even need this much air conditioning? Egbert was contemplating purchasing what you could only assume were misshapen, furry lemons (the sign said apricorn or someshit).  
And you couldn't help but grasping one of those cheeks in your palm and massaging it a bit before withdrawing. He gave a barely audible gasp and dropped the thing he was holding, shooting you a glare. Holding up your hands in mock innocence, “Hey, I was just grabbin’ a peach," and smirking.  
The chick from earlier is back and you see her checking your man out again, she just doesn't quit, does she. You wrap your arm around his waist and kiss his jawline and shooting a malicious grin over to her. She looks a bit appalled and more than a little disappointed before she stalks off and busies herself with bread (eat it bitch). Egbert swats your arms away and takes the cart, heading over to the checkout area, but you see a bathroom and have a much better idea.  
Grabbing the cart, you push it a bit off to the side and reassured him that no one was going to take anything from the damn cart as you pulled him into the bathroom, locking the door behind you. You slammed him against the tiled wall and kissed him fiercely, quickly biting his lip the moment he recovered from the shock of how sudden this was. Against your leg, you could feel his quickly growing bulge and laughed to yourself as you made your way down his chin and neck, leaving what will surely leave a dark mark, unbuckling his pants and pulling them down as you went. You twist your cap back and pull his briefs down; he groans when the cool air hits his dick and you decide to warm it up, breathing on it before giving it a big lick along the bottom. His hands quickly knock of the cap you took the time to twist and fists tug at your hair, fingers tightening when you slowly suck in the head and working your way down at an excruciatingly slow pace. You continue at a progressively faster pace until he comes, swallowing because you’re Bro Fucking Strider (and apparently that means you swallow like a champ). He clears his throat and you give him another open-mouthed kiss before standing back and letting him get himself back in order, unlocking the door and walking out. Shortly after he joins you, a young man walks out quickly, looking rather flustered and confused, and it makes you laugh.

The woman at the cash register notices the large, now purple, mark on his throat and you see her eyes dart between the two of you, and you generate a shit-eating smirk for her, and when she looks back at you, she drops her gaze, embarrassed. Egbert finishes unloading the contents of the cart on the belt and you notice something missing. Well shit, someone took your peaches.

**Author's Note:**

> i tried  
> rereading this the next day i see so many mistakes and it's repetitive and just ugh, thank you for reading


End file.
